Liber CLXV


Section V

January 1st, 1913, to December 31st, 1913

We must now pass on to Fra V.I.O.'s diary for the year 1913, E.V. I can find no written records of the period between October 13th, 1912, when he finished the Retirement, and March 2nd, 1913, when he again began to keep a regular summary of his work. On that date he writes:
During the last few days some important events have taken place. First however I must mention that I have heard nothing from Frater P.A. since the retirement except a P.C. to say that he had received my record. On … I received a letter dated in London, Jan. 10th, from the Chancellor of A∴A∴, asking the results of my work since I became a Probationer. Answered same on Jan. 26th, and was surprised and pleased on Feb. 26th, to receive a reply passing me to the Grade of Neophyte, followed by the necessary documents. Answered this on Feb. 28th.
This letter from the Chancellor of A∴A∴ passing Frater V.I.O. to the grade of Neophyte, contained the following passage, which is important, in the light of later events: "We wish our Body to be a Body of Servants of Humanity. A time will come when you will obtain the experience of the 14th Aethyr. You will become a Master of the Temple. That experience must be followed by that of the 13th Aethyr, in which, the Master, wholly casting aside all ideas of personal attainment, busies himself exclusively with the care of others."
The year 1913 was an important one for Frater V.I.O. in many ways. For one thing, it was during this period that he was forced to stand alone, and to rely upon himself and his own judgment of what was the right course of action for the governance of his life and the solution of his family difficulties as well as his occult problems. Hitherto, as before remarked, he had been under the guidance of one upon whom he had looked as his Neophyte, and in whom he had placed the utmost confidence. He now found himself in one of the most trying situations that had up to that time been his lot to cope with, viz.:

hat he must choose between the continuance of that guidance, and the regular course of training mapped out in the Outer Order of the A∴A∴ He must either resign the grade of Neophyte just conferred upon him, severing his connection with the Outer Order, or cease to work under Frater P.A. altogether. The reasons for this cannot be dealt with fully in this place, nor would they be of the slightest interest to our readers. Suffice it to say that Frater V.I.O. had pledged himself to work on certain lines for six months and that these lines had been laid down by Frater P.A. His duty was then fairly clear, so he practically severed himself from obtaining guidance from either his old Neophyte or his newly appointed Zelator, until that period of work, to which he felt bound by his own oath to himself, was over, and at the end of that time, having worked hard and well, Those who were guiding and directing his life made the way clear for him, and he found himself in a position to accept the instruction of the A∴A∴, coming under the direct guidance of Frater O.M. This event must not be supposed to reflect in any way on Frater P.A. for whom he always felt and will feel great love and respect; the circumstances leading up to this change were outside the sphere of influence of Fra V.I.O. and the more difficult to judge owing to his isolation in Canada. With this brief allusion to the change in his occult affairs, we may pass on to a corresponding change in his material surroundings, for although he continued with his usual office work, he lived during the best part of this year under canvas in a small tent by the sea shore, necessitating some miles of walking every day, and throwing him a good deal more in touch with Nature than formerly; also the addition of a "little stranger" to his family had a marked effect on his home affairs, being as it were the key to the solution of certain problems that had been puzzling him in that direction.

During the period from March 2nd to September 4th, when we might say he was working on alone, his record shows some 340 Meditation practices, mostly in the Asana known as the Dragon, the periods ranging from a few minutes to something over an hour, but most of them comparatively short, the average perhaps being twenty minutes.
After this there is a gap, during which he worked morning and evening most days, but made no further record till November 9, from which date to December 31 over eighty practices are recorded.
Of the details of all this early work it is not necessary to treat very fully, but since, on sending in his record at the end of the year, it was returned by Frater O.M. with various notes and comments of the greatest help and value to Fra V.I.O., I am selecting those passages so commented upon as likely to be of most interest and help to other students. The comments of Fra O.M. (in brackets) follow entries.
March 2, 1913. I have got a zeal for service since the retirement, wanted to take for new Motto "I aspire to serve" but cannot find Latin equivalent.

("Volo servare" would do. But a better idea is "I want to help" rather than "serve." —O.M.)

March 22. Feel sorry I missed exercise this morning through slackness.

(When you detect slackness, double the exercise, if it kills you. Sure cure! —O.M.)

March 25. Dragon Asana. Mantra A.M.P.H.9 :39 to 10 :34 P.M.=55 mins, Breaks 14 to 18, mostly very slight. Interruptions none. Results: Dharana, got feeling on skin and automatic rigidity. Lost all personality most of the time, but only found this out by "break" which revived it. Brain soon took up Mantra automatically. Illumination in brain after a while. Towards the last saw some visions of sea, &c. (very slight). Space and time annihilated during most of the practice. Good.

(Beginning good — end bad. —O.M.)

Mar. 30, 5:15 to 5:46 P.M.=31 Mins. Counted first seven breaks, then became concentrated and lost count. Interruptions. (1) A safety pin, falling on floor, made me start violently. (2) R. called.

Results: Breath arose on skin and the "light" arose. Started to concentrate on spine. Towards the end started a sort of automatic chant of apparently senseless words. Have noticed before that when this occur, it leads to a kind of ecstasy. Had to leave off, as was called to tea by Ruby.

(Good, but a virtuous woman is above Rubies, and never calls holy men to tea. —O.M.)

Apr. 4. Control of Body. While at office kept left elbow at side for 3 hours. Wished to see if this would be quite easy and found I had no difficulty in remembering.

(Good: try something harder. —O.M.)

Apr. 6, 9:20 — 10 P.M. Dragon. This meditation was the best lately. Quickly felt the Prana gripping the body. Conceived the blackness of Understanding become penetrated by Wisdom. Brain became luminous. Body rigid. Tension passed and force concentrated at bridge of nose. Concentrated on Ajna. Personality gone. Tried to project consciousness straight up. Was suddenly interrupted by R. who was in bed just by my side. Hardly knew where I was for the moment and had to concentrate on body to regain normal.

(Too big a handicap, having anyone in the room. —O.M.)

Apr. 8, 9:25 to 10:11 P.M.=46 Mins. Dragon. The mind and seer alone remain. Turning back on the seer there seem intervals of blank. This is accompanied with no illumination or joy, and one almost wonders why one has gone so far to obtain this. Probably desire not entirely obliterated. Some disinclination to leave the state.

(This sounds better. —O.M.)

Apr. 13, 11:21 — 11:36 P.M. Dragon. A certain bliss arose at the thought that I was but a little child of the Great Father. Joy. Joy.

(Yes: too emotional. —O.M.)

Apr. 19, 7:07 A.M. to 7:2o A.M. Not anything very definite. There is a certain quality of bliss about these practices which is peculiar to concentration but otherwise indescribable.

(This is bad. You do things well, and work hard; but your point of view is all wrong. I feel a sort of sentimentality injuring your scientific attitude. —O.M.)

April 20, 2:40 — 3:10 P.M. Having left home about 2:15 I climbed up towards the mountain till I found a secluded spot; there I knelt down and did breathing exercise. Felt Prana all over body. Invoked Adonai and tried to unite with Him. A brilliant White light filled sphere of consciousness. Arose as Adonai performed the Ritual of Pentagram, then prayed aloud and fluently, trying to unite consciousness with all Nature. Knelt again in Meditation, and arose much strengthened and with a feeling of the Divine Presence.

(This is excellent for a beginner. But remember — all these divine illuminations are mere Breaks. —O.M.)

Note: I find more and more difficulty in remembering any details of these practices the next day. Concentration was good. In this instance at end of practice could not remember what time I started, although I believe I am correct. I have thought several times lately about this loss of memory. Is it a result, or is it a fault?

(It's a good sign, as a rule. —O.M.)

May 9, 10:21 — 10:43 P.M. Dragon. Astral journey of no particulra import. Cannot properly identify with image. Seem to see the image while acting in it.

(This isn't as bad as it sounds. Don't worry, so long as the Image is quite sure of itseef. —O.M.)

(This, by the way, would have been particularly helpful information, and if Fra. V.I.O. had had it at the time he might have done a good many more Astral journeys. This lack of confidence at first seems to hold back many Students who could otherwise travel on the Astral quite successfully. —Ed.)

May 21, 8:45 td 9:34 P.M.=49 Mins. Thumbs in ears; first 25 mins in Dragon. Then lying flat on back. Cramp in left foot on change of position. After the loud sounds subsided, became concentrated on ringing sound in left ear. Mind became calmer, and I heard the sound of a little silver bell, very clear and sweet, struck a number of times. This still in left ear. Then heard sound of metallic throbbing (if I can use the term) very faintly in right ear. Mind must have been well concentrated as time passed quickly.

(Sounds rather good. —0.M.)

July 7. Note. This afternoon, while reclining in an easy chair, nearly fell asleep; instead, however, I concentrated for some while. On being asked by R. to go and do some little thing for her, I put hands over eyes before rising, and saw a light so peculiar that it is worth mentioning. It had the appearance of being three distinct things at once. Dead black, a beautiful night-sky-blue, but at the same time the very essence of it was brilliant light. Quite indescribable in words.

(Seems very good. —O.M.)

(It may be remarked that Fra. V.I.O. had occupied himself with the contemplation of the Stélé of Revealing, completed therefrom a Pantacle of Nuit, and had obtained a sigil for same, during this day. This peculiar light is stigmatically characteristic of the Stélé. —O.M.)
June 18th, 10:34 to 10:53 P.M.=19 mins. 14 mins Pranayama 10,20,20. Regular and easy. 5 Mins. Meditation. Mind cleared and became calm. It perhaps appears that little progress is made, and some slackness exists as regards exercises. The truth is, I more and more use the true essence. If a little worry occurs, automatically, I turn to That within which dissolves it at once and restores the balance. It is that NOTHING with which I come into closest contact during meditation, but It is ever present, and I recognize the fact. I believe it to be the true Stone of the Wise which turns everything to gold. I call it Adonai when I give it a name at all. Most often the mind slips into that state without reason or argument.

(Yes: it does appear that more time ought to be given to the Work. But the Progress is not bad for all that. However, I don't quite like the complacent feeling. Nothing replaces hard work. Somebody I know (or don't know) does more actual grind than he ever did. 24 full dress Magick ceremonies in the first weeks of 1914, and about 2 hours every morning writing up the records. And in this please include 2 bad goes of influenza and bronchitis! — O.M.)

July 9, 7:20 — 7:24 A.M. Dragon. Rather bad. Tried to do practice outside in the rain, there being no room in the tent. Note: Man, wife and baby together with all one's earthly belongings in a tent 12'X10' in wet weather, is certainly a record.

(I've been one of 5 big men in a tent 7'6x6 in a hurricane blizzard on a glacier. But you win. —O.M.)

Aug. 8. Note. I begin to feel the fuller life again. These few pages of Edward Carpenter have acted like a draught of living water and revived me a great deal. I feel a secret Joy to-night. The unaccountable inner Joy which transforms everything and frees the soul from its shackles. All seems so good to-night, this simple life, the tent by the sea, the night air, the happy tired feeling after the day's work, the presence of my two dear ones, and all the dear ones of which I am a part, the presence of Adonai within and without. It is good to have lived for this.

(This is dreadful! You must not mistake "feeling good" for a mystic state. —O.M.)

Aug. 9, 9:59 to 10:26 P.M. During this meditation a certain magical understanding arose whereby it was easy to interpret any common object into a symbol of the Work.

(A bit better. —O.M.)

Aug. 18, 11:07 to 11:13 P.M. Even 6 mins is a difficulty now. When will the tide turn again!

(The tides are due to the pull of the Sun and Moon. —O.M.)

Aug. 19, 7:32 to 7:42 P.M. Slight feeling of Joy.

(The other joy! —O.M.)

Aug. 25, 1:33 to 10:55 P.M. Changed my Asana once during practice and found I could move body without affecting the particular part which was in the calm state.

(Good. —O.M.)

Aug. 26. A quiet evening at home, for which I am grateful. It seems as if so little is entered in this diary and so much remains unsaid. How one longs sometimes to express things and thoughts and generally ends by some commonplace entry. I think to-night I will try a little more than usual. All this time I have been plodding on, having made up my mind to a course of action in accordance with my aspiration. Day after day I have continued until this round of existence has become almost a fixed habit. My times of meditation and practice have dwindled till they are somewhat short, but for all that, the main idea has never become clouded. I feel far more determined in every way than I did, although less certain of any fixed goal. I know also that I have problems to face, now, or in the future, but have learnt to keep doing what comes to hand, without wavering or despairing. I do not seem to have made much definite progress, yet there are signs which give me to understand that all is as it should be; perhaps I am more in tune and so do not notice such vivid changes. I have found nature very fair and beautiful, this summer. I have got to love Her so much more than formerly. Then again, I have mastered Her a little more; I have learnt more of swimming, climbing, walking and other exercises through daily practice. I have made new friends, have learnt from them and taught them in return. All this, in spite of the limited existence of living in a tiny tent and often being very hard up. The power to retreat into that part of me which is Peace, free from all strife, remains with me. To be an onlooker at my thoughts and actions and remain the while in perfect rest — very seldom disturbed by outside influences — this is indeed something. Another important thing I would mention. I have an intense longing for more Love, a sort of unsatisfied craving to embrace people, particularly women, and sometimes natural things (this was not meant for sarcasm) such as the earth, the grass, etc. I do not think I expect and ask the love of others so much as I feel the need of entire freedom to love without barrier or restraint; but always there seems a something holding me back, invisible, formless, but of great strength, so that I yearn and open my arms (as it were) but am not satisfied; and so I turn and direct it towards that formless vision of Adonai within. Maybe, some day a spark will fire it and it will break loose; & then?

(This sounds very good indeed. —O.M.)

Aug. 27. The most perfect peace I have experienced for a long time.
Sep. 1. This is the last day of the six months.
Nov. 9. Nearly two months since I made an entry. Will write down a few of the events that I remember during that time. Have done some slight morning and evening practice almost every day. Have occupied a fair amount of time in giving what instructions I can on occult matters to those who have requested information.

S. and L. have become sufficiently interested to apply for Studentship, and W. has at last written and asked re Probationer-ship.

Have heard finally from Fra P.A. and answered his letter.

Nov. 26, 11:40 to 11:55 P.M. Meditation on Love. Commenced with sending Love to the six directions of space (See Training of the Mind, The Equinox, vol. 5). Became identified with Love to the exclusion of all other ideas. It is verily a dew which dissolves thought.

(Dangerous, though, for a beginner. Often means little more than the maudlin benevolence of one who has dined too well. Fill yourself with Love, and it will flow out of its own accord. —O.M.)

Nov. 27. Letter from Chancellor of A∴A∴. Was glad to receive this, as it cleared up a point that had long troubled me. Note:

This was the point re Astral journeys, mentioned before.

(This gave Fra. V.I.O. fresh confidence, and we find records of experiments at once. —Ed.)

Nov. 27, 11:6 to 11:28 P.M. Astral Journey. Rising on the Planes. Will try and recount this experience in detail as it was somewhat different from any previous experiment. After prayer, formulated astral enclosing body and began to rise. Tried to ascend Middle Pillar. Dark Blue, then more Purple. Presently found my astral body in a sort of open Temple Square with 4 pillars for corners, open sides and a high domed roof. In the centre of the floor was a circular basin of water. Someone said (of the water) "It is Thyself" (or thy mind). Could distinguish nothing for some time. Presently a star appeared in the centre of the pool, evidently reflected through a circular hole in centre of roof. Looking up, could not see this star from where I was standing on the step at front of Temple. Someone said: "Enter the water." Did so, finding it reached to the neck. Looked up, and could discern the star clearly. Someone said "You must travel up through the roof to the star." Did so, and discovered I was without clothes. Some time elapsed before I could get near the star, but on doing so I was whirled round it three times and alighted. Then became conscious that the body had given place to a flame only. Ascended as a flame into the air. Became dimly conscious that the flame was in the heart of a larger body. Strove still to rise, but came to blackness. Returned and disrobed. Gave thanks and entered diary.

(This is very good indeed, as a start. It should be repeated with ever-increasing persistence. The time occupied tells me its faults more than the text. A good "rising" should take 1? to hours. — O.M.)

Nov. 28, 11:5 to 11:27 P.M. Astral Journey.

Drew, with wand, in front of me, a circle (three times round) and formed astral in that. Rose to a great height. Suddenly, as it were, a rope flashed round me and fell, forming a spiral, ever widening, at the top of which I sat. Stood up on this, only to fall, down, down, down, not quite vertically into the water. Rising again, and striking out, I after a short while perceived a boat, something like a gondola, and swam towards it. It was rowed by a dark-skinned man, old and wrinkled, whom I at first thought to be an Indian. As I reached the boat and put my hand on the side, it seemed as if he would strike at me with his oar, but no, he grinned, and I drew myself into the boat and sat in the fore part, which was high and covered by a sort of hood. Presently, it struck me that the man was not living but dead. Death. We then drifted in a mist, and all became blank for a while; the memory of boat, man and self, were all but lost. When the mist cleared I realized that the man was no longer there, and I myself guided the boat. Coming back out of the mist the waters were blue and no longer black, and I realized that day was breaking. Gradually I watched the Sunrise, and set the boat in that direction, rowing so as to keep my face to the Sun. It seemed like a Portal; but, keeping on, it presently rose, and by the time it was getting high in the heavens I perceived a fair City ahead. Domes, Minarets, etc. Arriving there, I for the first time noticed I was dark skinned and clad in a loincloth. Landing, I was surrounded with men in an Eastern costume, Arabs or Turks I thought. One old man took me by the hand, I made the sign of the Pentagram over him, but he smiled and said "Come along, it's all right," and led me along a street paved with cobbles, the houses of which overhung, till we reached a sort of a mosque. Entering this he led me to the altar, which was supported by brackets from the wall, and above which was a beautiful stained window. At the sides were thin columns and sort of boxes, similar to theatre boxes. We knelt at the altar; and he took my hand and said: "Raise your consciousness." I perceived a star and crescent above me, and a cross dimly formulated in the background. After this, the astral seemed to coincide with the body; but consciousness of the astral surroundings was still clear. Continued to raise consciousness, and to send out thoughts of Love. Perceived around me innumerable streams of thought, interlacing and like a net-work, and when the Love-thought was sent out, the whole net sparkled, as with little specks of gold. Continued in this thought for some minutes, and gradually returned to normal. Gave thanks and entered diary.

(Very nearly in serious trouble, my young and rash friend! It seems that you must go up well outside earth-attraction if you wish to get good astrals. It sounds Sunday-school-talk, and I can give no reason. But I've tried repeatedly going horizontally and downwards, always with the same result. Gross and hostile things are below, pure beings above. The vision is good enough for what it is; it is clear and coherent. But I see no trace of scientific method in directing the vision. I explain further in the general comment. —0.M.)

About this time Frater V.I.O. appears to have been studying Jnana Yoga. There is a simple entry on November 3oth, "THOU ART THAT," without any attempt at comment, and on the following day "Ditto, but in a less degree." On December 4 we find this entry:
The reading of "Jnana Yoga" revives very clearly the state of Unity produced by the practice of Raja Yoga. There is a clearer conception, and the feeling of being very near the Truth. N.B. During meditation the Light above head was beginning to envelope the mind, but was disturbed by R. calling me to come to bed.

(R. must be told not to call you to come to bed. The feeling that she may possibly do so is enough to prevent concentration. Also, as a general rule, it's very bad to sleep with another person in the room. —O.M.)

Dec. 5th. More and More realization of the One Truth. THOU ART THAT. Got some idea that there was only one "plane" in reality, not many.
Dec. 6th, 11 :22 A.M. Started Neti, Neti[1] again. (Very near, not quite. V.I.O.)

10:45 P.M.

Oh Thou Ever-present, Eternal Silence, wherein all vanishes and emerges clothed in Bliss. I Invoke Thee.
Oh Thou elusive Self of my self, Thou All, wherein all dissolves and becomes Thy Being. I invoke Thee.
Oh Thou Existence of Existences, Thou Knower of Knowledge, wherein knowledge of all else is lost. I Invoke Thee.
Oh Thou Bliss Absolute, Thou One without a second, Thou in Whom Time and Space no longer exist. I invoke Thee.
Oh Thou, who when I think of Thee art God, who when I cease to think of Thee art My self, may I be lost in THEE.
Yet never shall I be lost, for Thou Art, who art not. Oh Beloved, I come to Thee when I realize that never have I moved through all Eternity.
Oh Thou, on Whom man looks through the senses, and sees as the world.
Oh Thou, on Whom man looks through the mind and sees as the world of thought.
Oh Thou on Whom man looks as Thyself and becomes Infinite Bliss, let there be no thought of separateness, for there is none other. Thou Art That.
If I call Thee a Point, Thou laughest, saying: "I am the Infinite Circle."
If I worship the Circle, Thou laughest, saying: "I am concealed in the Point."
Only if I claim Thee Wholly, may I define Thee. Then who cares, Aye or Nay?
If I attempt to name Thee, I lose Thee, Oh Thou Nameless unto Eternity. To Whom shall I reveal Thee, who wast never known but to Thyself?
Surely words are vain, O Thou who art beyond the Silence. Aum.

(This is very good. —O.M.)

Dec. 11th, 9:52 — 10:37 P.M. Meditation in Asana. Dragon as usual. Took a few long breaths, filling the body and mind with Love, and then expelling it till it flowed through me. Used Mantra:

"The Self is Love. That Self am I" first part of the time, afterwards changing to "The Self is THAT, that Self am I."

Eyes half closed, fixed on nose. Shut them about the middle of the meditation and turned them to Ajna. Very few invading thoughts.

Presently all became brilliant light, with which I became identified.

Realization of Oneness. No doubt remained that this was indeed the Union with the Higher Self. Then again arose the question "What about the Others when this state subsides again?" Then it seemed that a voice spoke clearly to the brain, saying: "Truly when united so thou art one with the Holy Guardian Angel that speaks unto thee now. Therefore worry no more about attaining. In future it is thy work to see that not only the part attain, but that other parts, those that are called 'others' in ordinary consciousness, realize the Oneness also." N. B. These are not the words, and do not properly express the meaning. The experience itself was in the nature of realization rather than in any language.

(Not at all bad. —O.M.)

Dec. 12. To-night, while walking, I thought that some time, when I can find the right person, it would be well to get him to record for me one of these experiences such as that of last night, during its occurrence; (1) providing I could speak without altering the state of consciousness; (a) providing I could find the necessary person.

(No good. —0.M.)

Dec. 15th, 11:50 to 12:9 P.M. Astral Journey.

On first trying to project astral it went rapidly off in a N.E. direction (Bad. —O.M.) then described a curve to the North and so round twice, and became normal again. Second attempt.

Enclosed astral in egg of light, sent it straight up. Egg opened; and I opened eyes in space. I saw above me a shining object, oblong in shape, and travelling to it, found it almost like a kite. Leaning upon it, I was carried backwards for some distance, during which time I watched a changing landscape below. Wishing to descend, I dropped towards the Earth, and found body supported by another. When near the ground, skimmed over the earth and eventually came to a dark gateway or tunnel. Walked into this and proceeded, lighted by a silver star on brow, till I arrived at a circular room at the end, lit by one candle placed on a round table at which sat an old white-bearded man writing in a book. I approached him, and said: "Why writest thou, Father ?" and he replied "That those who read may live." (I seem to have asked him another question, but cannot remember what.) Then I said:

"What writest thou, Father?" And he replied: "Death, always Death," And I said: "Show me thy writing, Father" and looking he wrote the word HARTHA. And I said "This is a mystery to me" so he pointed to it letter by letter and I tried to interpret it Qabalistically, but was not successful. It seemed that the value of the letters was 507. He said I should understand, and with that I left him and returned.

8 P.M., Dec. i6. Have just been working out the meaning of the word obtained last night. I then thought the value was 507= "That which causes ferment" or 5 plus 7=12= He longed for, missed, etc. This shows how I went astray. I find however that the word actually adds to 607= Adam Primus. But 6 plus 7=13 Unity, Love, and The Tarot Trump is DEATH, and this is what he said he was writing. (Note Apr. 2i, 1917. Ha=The Sun; tha=The Moon, as stated in the Hatha-Yoga Pradipika.)

(have reached. You should have got more of the book, too. —O.M.)

Dec. 18th. Note. There is one thing I had intended to mention before. Instead of sleeping deeply, as was my former habit, I have lately noticed quite a change in this respect. Sometimes, though resting, I retain consciousness most of the night. In this state I appear to think very much along the same lines as I do in ordinary waking consciousness. In the morning I have the ability to change from one state to the other quite easily, but on leaving the bed and becoming fully awakened I can seldom remember any particulars of what occurred during sleep.

(This sounds good, as if the Tamo-Guna were breaking up. —O.M.)

Dec. 19, 11:38. Prayer and Meditation. Felt "informed" by that Greater Self that Humility, Patience and Selflessness would bring the condition required. Dwelt for awhile in that Boundless Silence of which words can express nothing.

(Humility, like Pride, implies a self. —O.M.)

Dec. 26th, 11: 3 to 11:20 P.M. Meditation. Gradually separating the Self from the body, mind, life, death, etc., till an entirely impersonal state resulted.

(These things don't mean much, as a rule. They are only what we call "reverie," a dulcet meandering of the mind. —0.M.)

Dec. 27th, 11:13 to 11 :30 P.M. Meditation. After striving to unite consciousness completely with Adonai, the sphere of Consciousness widened out and became one with the Many; so that, when asking of the Self: "What am I? Who am I?" this no longer seemed an individual question, but to be taken up by many units in all parts of space, yet upon a formless plane. I rose higher and tried to unify all these; this resulted in an absolutely impersonal state which continued even after the meditation was over until about 12 o'clock. While it lasted it was distinctly different from any former experience, especially the earlier part.

(Not very good; seems too much like thinking. —0.M.)

Dec. 31, 11:30 to 11:46 P.M. L.B.R. Dragon. Meditation on Love.[2] Afterwards I imagined the dim figure of Nuith overshadowed the Universe. Amen. And now I will go out and wish R. and baby a Happy New Year.

[1] "Not this, not this!" a Hindoo phrase used in the practice of rejecting all thoughts as they arise.

[2] (This sort of thing is all wrong. It isn't really meditation at all. You let your mind rove about, instead of pinning it down to a single, simple object. Samadhi never occurs in such conditions. —O.M.)

This feature is disabled because you don't have a secure connection.